Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.
A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.
She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.
She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.
Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the energy I spend helping her make content.
I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.
Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me smiling with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.
I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.
I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.
I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.
Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that values the craft behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.
I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we make together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.
I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. I thought filming a short video now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I document our time together.
I value our friendship deeply and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.
This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.
Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?
There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25
If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply everyone around her is content. She must to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26
She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27
It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53
She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
A final view, 71
In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?
Elena Vance is a digital strategist and creative director with over a decade of experience in transforming brands through innovative design.